Lately when I sit down to write-- who am I kidding? I don't even get that far-- lately when I think about sitting down to write, a very anxious feeling sets in almost immediately. That is a super big bummer. But I think I have figured out why it is happening. I have written all the scenes that are clearly formed in my mind. I am proud of the half-novel's worth of scenes that I have completed, but the half remaining- the unwritten ones- are kind of a gray area of only half-formed ideas without endings. So when I sit down to write now it feels...out of control. That's not a feeling I like. I am, apparently, not willing to lose sight of the shore. I've lost the bravery required to forge ahead in this particular endeavor. The following picture sums up how I feel about sailing into uncharted waters (AKA losing control of the project and letting something spontaneous and wonderful happen):
Incidentally, that is also a visual approximation of how I look when I force my pregnant self out of bed in the morning.
I hope a day comes when I just get so mad about feeling scared to venture forth into the unknown that I stop being scared. Because it really seems as though it should be that simple. Maybe it isn't (or ever will be) but that's how it feels right now. I have started to be randomly inspired and sent off on a mental tangent of character development again (which is how nearly all of the plot and characters formed previously). One thing is for sure, writer friends, I am NOT a pantster! No writing by the seat of the pants for me. No. I need clear and defined scenes with everything but the dialogue ready to go.
I must share (as I have decided I should do since this is 'real time progress of a writer who cannot finish anything') that since my last post, I have written three pages. *cue the infamous 'wawawa'* Three pages in a month. At this rate I'll be done...well after my expected life span.
I hope your projects, whether writing related or not, are going swimmingly. If any of you lovely folks have any tips on letting your brain function in a way that allows for the organic, innovative, and superbly fun growth of a project, please let me know. ;)
Roll for initiative,
J. Wahl
