Lately when I sit down to write-- who am I kidding? I don't even get that far-- lately when I think about sitting down to write, a very anxious feeling sets in almost immediately. That is a super big bummer. But I think I have figured out why it is happening. I have written all the scenes that are clearly formed in my mind. I am proud of the half-novel's worth of scenes that I have completed, but the half remaining- the unwritten ones- are kind of a gray area of only half-formed ideas without endings. So when I sit down to write now it feels...out of control. That's not a feeling I like. I am, apparently, not willing to lose sight of the shore. I've lost the bravery required to forge ahead in this particular endeavor. The following picture sums up how I feel about sailing into uncharted waters (AKA losing control of the project and letting something spontaneous and wonderful happen):
Incidentally, that is also a visual approximation of how I look when I force my pregnant self out of bed in the morning.
I hope a day comes when I just get so mad about feeling scared to venture forth into the unknown that I stop being scared. Because it really seems as though it should be that simple. Maybe it isn't (or ever will be) but that's how it feels right now. I have started to be randomly inspired and sent off on a mental tangent of character development again (which is how nearly all of the plot and characters formed previously). One thing is for sure, writer friends, I am NOT a pantster! No writing by the seat of the pants for me. No. I need clear and defined scenes with everything but the dialogue ready to go.
I must share (as I have decided I should do since this is 'real time progress of a writer who cannot finish anything') that since my last post, I have written three pages. *cue the infamous 'wawawa'* Three pages in a month. At this rate I'll be done...well after my expected life span.
I hope your projects, whether writing related or not, are going swimmingly. If any of you lovely folks have any tips on letting your brain function in a way that allows for the organic, innovative, and superbly fun growth of a project, please let me know. ;)
Roll for initiative,
J. Wahl
Too mad to be scared, that is EXACTLY what I needed! I was for a bit, but then I got all lazybonesy. But you have pissed me off at me again, thank you!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI don't have any tips though. Apparently our relationship is very one-sided today. :(
Whatever, I have a squeaky clean face and a new skin care regime. Without you I'd still be washing my face with body wash in the shower and toweling it dry, leaving it to suffer naked in the fickle Alabama weather. Not one sided at all. :) Best Mary Kay rep ever!
ReplyDeleteOnward, to glory!!!
Roll for initiative,
J. Wahl